Where Does One Turn?
by KozueNoSaru
Summary: Another fic focusing on Antauri, but with a rather ansgty twist. My first attempt at angst, but my second one shot here.


**Where Does One Turn?**

By: KozueNoSaru

Kozue: Konnichiwa, minna-san! It is I, your crazy and SECOND YEAR college authoress! (Jumps around like a loony) I'm BACK, BABY! YAY!

Moria: Kozue-san, you gonna do this thing or not?

Kozue: (stops what she was doing) …I was. Oh! This is Moria McFeather, AKA Mimi. She'll be doing the disclaimer to this otherwise angsty fic. (Suddenly Porker-Ella bursts in)

PE: MOM! You can't let her do the disclaimer! She's a newbie! Plus _I_ wanted to do the disclaimer!

Moira: Contrary to WHAT you think, _Pig-Onna_, I'm not so new to fanfiction.

PE: Come over her and say that to my face, ya walking, four-star main entrée!

Moira: Takes one to know one, you Hawaiian BBQ!

Kozue: Girls! Girls! **PLEASE **_don't start_. Save it for later. Please? (Both female original characters just look at Kozue as if she's grown another head) Look, can't you two hold off your competition until AFTER the fic? Can't you BOTH do the disclaimer?

(Silence)

Both: Fine! _KozueNoSaru does not own Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go. Ciro Neili, Jetix, and Disney own them. We, as a team, do apologize if anything about the following is offensive, miss-spelled, or otherwise not-to-par. She wishes that the reader would not flame, sue, or troll her. She also requests that if you have any suggestions as to how this fanfiction can improve, she is more that happy to know._

Porker-Ella: And besides, if mom owned the show, she'd make Chiro legal and lot of the characters would be—(she is cut off by Kozue's hand over her mouth)

Kozue: (truly embarrassed) P-Chan…what did we say about you spurting out top-secret info?

Moria: (mutters to herself) Anyways, thank you to all the people that reviewed Kozue's first, story, "An Ode to Antarui". This is another Antarui-centered fic, in which Kozue hopes to have a spin on the character. So…um, yeah, read and review.

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

If you good people would allow me the rare instance to be vain, I would like to make a comparison and I would like to take the time to be honest. In this strange observance I call life, I have been the resting wings on which many a soul near and dear to me have lain. I am like the mother of a bird that guards her eggs fiercely. I have acted as a teacher, a mentor, a sibling, a friend, and a father in addition to my duties as second-in-command. Even after my previous resurrection, my family, my friends…my eggs, still rest upon my wings. But now, I feel as if my wings are breaking. Soon, it I must face the possibility that they cannot rest on me forever. My eggs will soon hatch and grow. Oh, I will still guide them, nurture them…but I feel as if soon, they will be able to be on their own, and strive with my love and lessons in their hearts, but what of me?

I…I am…alone.

Please, do not misjudge me. I take great pride on my roles and duties to the Hyperforce. I would not trade them for anything in this world or the hereafter. I would do anything to be there for them and watch over them. I have given unto others for their benefit: words of encouragement, life-saving strategies, a loving gesture…

So, why is it that I feel isolated from my friends, my family?

One would question if I receive anything from this selfless giving.

The answer is both "yes" and "no".

As to my first answer, my family gives me the strength to live. We fight as one, thought we are just as diverse, pooling our individual strengths, minds, and hearts and overcoming our personal short-comings and weaknesses to fight for a greater purpose. What is more noble that to fight as a team—as a family—to insure peace and tranquility to the cosmos?

To my second answer…I'm afraid that I am not as I appear. After being betrayed by the very people that taught me to be the wings of those around me, I sometimes find myself disconcerting. Will I, too, be capable of such betrayal? Then to figuratively, add to the stewing pot, I fear that even with everything I could ever want there is something missing. I…I need wings to rest on as well. I too need guidance, consolation, reassurance. I want….I want…I want so much that I cannot even fathom it all.

I am…lost.

It feels as if a weight has been lifted, since this conversation began. Never have I allowed myself to dwell so deeply into my vulnerable barricades of my mind. I cannot help but to think to myself that I am an actor, masking this frail being under an air of superiority and a "poker face"—as the others refer to my more serious moments. But an actor can only "act" for so long, until his audience figures him out. Soon, the frail being, the scared mother bird who is afraid for her eggs, will be discovered under the layers of isolation and the fierce guarding of her emotions, shall be seen for what they truly are.

But despite this fear of discovery, I am—no, I must—continue to protect them, my friends, my family…my eggs. But I must ask: Whom shall I turn to if the possibility of my failure to support them? Who can I turn to if things are far too cumbersome and vast for even me to handle? How I wish I had the answers to everything I ask….and yet, I know I'll never have them. Not easily, not willingly.

So I will search for them…and I will cast this thought from my mind, just one more time… I can be only be so vain for very long.

The End.

**xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxox**

Author's Note: I hope that wasn't too out-of-character for you guys…I wan shooting for a chance to show the darker side of my favorite philosopher/spiritual monkey. I started which the question: "If Antarui's always the one that everyone turns to, then, since he was betrayed, who would he turn to?" The fic wrote itself after that.

Well, thank you all and please, Read and Review.


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